I swallowed my mom’s diaphragm

And took all of her birth control pills rectally
And snorted all my dad’s Viagra
And painfully crammed nineteen tampons into my belly button.
I ate five bars of soap and eight pieces of dog shit.
I ate my fingernail collection.


I grew a mullet and burned it off with lasers and gasoline.


I coated myself in civil rights propaganda and went to Georgia.
And that’s how I learned to ride a skateboard.